Category Archives: Excuses

Building Blocks

Why do we, as writers, build those blocks around our creativity?

We do it to ourselves and you all know it. Writer’s block doesn’t really exist, yet we use it as an excuse when we’re forced to struggle and fight for the creative juices to flow.

Yes, I’ve done it. I admit it. I also admit that when I bitch about writer’s block, it is much more likely that I’m in a mental funk, unable to wrap my head around whatever character flaw I’m trying to illustrate, or stuck in an action scene that doesn’t seem believable, or at a loss as to how to transition the story from one place to the next. The writing has become hard and I’m annoyed. I’m not blocked, but rather, pissed that I have to work at it.

Sure, I’ve had days, weeks even, that I could not write a legible sentence let alone muster a new idea. But was I trying hard enough – was I trying at all?

What do you do to get around these blocks? These funks? These anti-creative moods that seem to hit us all?

If you can’t answer that question, then you’ve built your own blocks of doubt and negativity. If you can, then you probably don’t truly believe in the block as anything more than a convenient excuse to play video games when you know you should be editing that story.

(Yep, I do that too. Played all damn weekend while the boys played against the backdrop of my mind.)

Okay Pia, you say, what do you do then?

Well, I do play. I do (try) to recognize that a slow writing period can often mean I’m tired. I might be tired of writing, or just worn out in general, but either way, I need to relax when the Muse is quiet.

If play doesn’t work, then I have a variety of things I try.

1) Read. Yes, read. Doesn’t matter what genre or what form. Novels, flash fiction, comic books, blogs. Just read. My writing gets stale if I don’t read often enough. This might be the biggest ‘block’ of my personal experience.

2) Reread. Not to be confused with Read. Reread the last few scenes of the current WIP. Getting drawn into that suspension of disbelief is a great way to reawaken the Muse. Or, failing that, reread some really old stuff. (Holy moly, I actually thought this was good? This makes me want to immediately start rewriting that old crap.)

3) Pick two characters that have never met and introduce them. Recently, I took Morgan from the current WIP and introduced him to Nik from the old No Girls Allowed posts. They hit it off fabulously. Plus, Nik told me about a fight he had with his NGA beau, Leaf, so that’ll be a scene that could go in their story when I get back to writing it.

4) Bullet points. With either the WIP or a random note from my “Miscellaneous Ideas” file, I jot down bullet points on what should happen, be fixed, or would be fun to write. Just get the ideas flowing no matter how mundane or miniscule. The better ones will follow.

Last but not least, and best used with one of the other four (hence no number): music. Every character has his or her own music. Eventually. Find the band (or bands – make a playlist) that speaks to your Muse and puts you in that space in your head where your imagination wanders free.

Morgan likes Adam Lambert. My vampires like KidneyThieves. Weres, Dar Williams. Sometimes I personally would prefer to listen to something else, but the music that inspires them, does so for a reason. Listen to the words of Lambert’s STRUT and you’ll glean a bit of Morgan’s personality.

When a character doesn’t have his or her own music yet (I need to know them well to figure out their songs) then I have a default love of Placebo. My Muse occasionally takes the shape of Brian Molko, and even when not that obvious, just listening to this band can draw out a better, feisty mood. The most amusing part of listening to Placebo for writing is that I choose very different songs when I’m knocking down the blocks than I would for any other listening situation. Yes, even the Muse has her own songs.

Do you recognize when you’re building your blocks? What are your favorite ways to knock them down again? Let’s write today, dear Readers. No excuses.

Ciao,
Pia


Faking it. An attempt to write.

While wallowing in a writing funk, I’ve hidden it well until today. CRANK had been pre-written for the last couple of weeks since I knew the holidays would make my life crazy. I barely edited today’s post and I know it’s not as good as it could be, but since I’m in a deep well of apathy when it comes to writing, I’m going to think that. It’s probably fine, with the exception of a typo or two. Those always sneak in during these funks, no matter how much I edit.

I’m in a reading funk too. I skimmed through some reviews of books in my genre, hoping for renewed inspiration. Nothing. Not a single one caught my attention. Four books in progress scattered throughout the house and I haven’t picked up any of them since we returned from Montreal, and even then, I read little.

So that is the beginning of my year so far. Feeling “bleh” because I want to write, I love to write, and I haven’t been writing because I don’t feel the inspiration. Sure, I know that if I want to, I could. If I tried hard enough, words would come – like now, for this blog. Writing for me, however, cannot be work. I do it when I’m enjoying it and when I’m not, I mope, but I never, ever force it.

Writing is special for me beyond telling a story. If I start forcing it to make word counts, or to overcome these random bouts of meh, then it becomes more like work, and less like fun. Yes, writing is work. Twice a week, I write 800 to 1,000 words for CRANK. Editing a passage takes as long as writing it if not more. It is, however, also a burning passion. I enjoy these boys, these fictional characters, as much as I enjoy cuddling with the cat, or biting into the perfect piece of chocolate-covered caramel.

I write about monthly resolutions, but in all fairness, these are things I am working on to improve my life regardless of the new year or new month. I don’t believe in the typical resolution process because of funks like this. Had I “resolved” to write on a regular schedule this year, I’d be beating myself up this week due to the moodiness that I know will pass if I’m patient.

So, yes, I will continue the monthly resolution posts, but understand that these posts are not so much the ultimate promise that so many people make and then break in celebration of the New Year, but are instead, guidelines to remind myself what I want to work on in my life, and to share with you, dear readers, that old dogs can, and do, learn new tricks, should they only wish to do so.

Writing Goal: Clean up FALLEN and resubmit. I had the good intentions to do this before the first of the year, and then life got hectic, holidays came and went, and time flew by. I won’t work on this part of the storytelling process without 100% focus. I need my head in the right space to do this story justice. It’s worth the delay to do it right.

Health Goal: With the craziness of holidays, I’ve fallen out of my running routine. It was shaky to start with, and I did try to run in Montreal just to keep it going, but things happen, and I got a head cold. It wasn’t pretty, my attempt at using a treadmill in a Montreal Marriott, but the mind is there, even though the body still struggles. My focus, for now, will be to stamp the routine back into place and, maybe, get my mile down to twelve minutes.

This will be an extra difficult challenge thanks to all the people who do suffer through the New Year’s Resolutions. January through mid-February is always a busy time at the local gym. By mid-February, there are a few who have been successful and still attending, but the rest, those that hogged the cardio machines to read their magazines, have left by the time my birthday rolls around. Still, despite this, I intend to renew my affair with running nowhere as soon as possible. Save a treadmill for me, you wannabes!

Ciao,
Pia


Focus: Like a Kid on a Sugar Rush

Mid-December. Really? Where did the month go?

I vaguely remember reminding myself to do a resolutions post after Thanksgiving. I remember doing that again during the first week of December. I kept pushing it off in favor of other posts. I even tempted myself to change my rule about blogging every day just to squeeze it in. Monthly resolutions were supposed to be easier. Right?

It’s not as late as it sounds. I’ve been working on these things, even if I haven’t posted them. I’m not doing as well as I’d like, but that’s been about half the months of this project so far. Somehow, telling the world at large that I didn’t make yet another monthly resolution has not been a deterrent for blowing them off. When I started this, I thought it would be. I hate not finishing stuff. I hate admitting defeat. I also know, however, that without concrete deadlines and consequences for missing them, the procrastinator takes over my life.

I’m suffering that now. I don’t have a good writing deadline and so I’ve been ignoring ABANDON. Well, no, not ignoring, because Morgan and Adam have been carousing through my mind, but I haven’t written anything about them lately and I may have totaled 1k since the first of the month.

No, this isn’t going to be a whiny blog about writer’s block. I know what I need to do, but when I sit down to do it my focus goes out the window. Instead of cracking the whip, I let it go. I may even, on occasion wave and wish it fun on its journey. My own fault – not my Muse, not distractions – MINE. I know it. When I’m ready to do something about it I will.

So… resolutions.

I’ve been focusing (haha, yeah, maybe not THAT word) on exercise and vague writing needs. This month is a cloudy, just keep myself going, month. While The Hubby and I are blowing off family for the holidays, and we are not exchanging gifts, I still feel like I’ve been too busy for the past several weeks. So, instead of piling on more, I’m focusing on maintaining what I’ve accomplished so far.

Resolution #1: While I’m not going to the gym as often as I should, I am going at least twice a week and, when I make it that far, I run a minimum of a mile and a half, shooting for two. I would like to maintain two, but craptastic work days keep me closer to one. I refuse to let the day job drop me below that one. I worked too hard to reach it in the first place!

Resolution #2: Even though I haven’t been working on the current WIP, I have been working the writing angle. I’ve been researching options for FALLEN should I get a rejection next month. While I’m not assuming a rejection, I want to be ready in case I get one. I won’t wallow; I’ll resubmit to a new venue. Also along the writing vein, I’ve been mentally preparing a synopsis for Kitty’s story. It is not an M/M erotic romance. In fact, there is one mild M/F scene in it. But, that’s not what Kitty’s story is about. I’ll tell you more when I get into the meat of actually typing and editing the synopsis. For now, I’m working offline, because I think I might add a subplot to it. Kitty tells me something is missing, but we haven’t nailed down what it is yet.

So there you go. Two weeks late, but I did (kinda) have them. Perhaps my next resolution should be to focus more on resolutions? Hah, talk about impossible odds!

Ciao,
Pia


Counting Sheep

sleepI haven’t been writing. I started a couple of blog posts this week and they’re both in the draft section of this blog, much like old fish, stinking up the place. I browsed through some other half-done drafts for inspiration. I deleted several of those along the way.

It’s Thursday. I usually have CRANK posted by now, but I’ve yet to start it. I’m not sick of the story. Oh no, nothing like that. I have a scene for the club they’re playing the next day. I have a scene for a vampire confrontation. Crandall, however, has been resisting my attempts to convince him this current scene is important and he needs to chime in. He wants to sleep every time I get him talking.

Heaven’s Demons hasn’t inspired me since Sunday. I managed to edit about three pages Monday evening and, since it’s single-spaced, that counts as six if formatted correctly, but I haven’t typed the changes into the ‘script, nor do I know if they’re right yet. I’m pushing a deadline on this one and it’s not the first, so I don’t want to hold off and wait for another call for this type of story. My angel needs his wings.

I’m not blocked. I’m under the maelstrom of insomnia.

It comes and goes with no predictable pattern other than once it hits, it continues for several nights. I can fall asleep just fine, but staying asleep is near impossible. When I do wake during the night, I don’t wake enough to get up and do stuff. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could clean the pigsty of a kitchen since I’m not getting rest anyway. Instead, I wake, roll over, curse at the clock, and fall back asleep. It’s mentally draining and forget summoning the energy to go to the gym for my runs.

I don’t mind small breaks from writing. It happens. While it drives me nuts when I get blocked and I will bitch and cry about it, honestly, I know it will pass. This isn’t a block though, so it’s driving me to want to hurt someone. (It doesn’t help that there is one girl in the office that behaves as if she wants me to hurt her. Maybe I’ll break this by writing a flash about tormenting her until she stops being a self-centered, whining bitch.) Hurting morons aside, I have the desire – the NEED – to write, but being so exhausted every waking moment makes it difficult to string the words together.

If I could have a night of perfect sleep for every article I’ve read on insomnia, other sleep-related issues, and “cures” for better sleep, I’d not have this problem again in my lifetime. (Ok, slight exaggeration since I intend to live forever, but you get the gist. I’ve read a lot!) Yoga helps sometimes, but this exhausted, it’s hard to even do that. Meditation helps, but only if I can do it without dozing off. (You’d think that’s the point, but trust me, falling asleep after two minutes of meditation does not clear the chakras enough for six hours of rest.) I can dish out those recommendations to others who aren’t sleeping, but this week, this bout of it, I haven’t done either. They work, if I can focus long enough, so this is my kick in the pants. Tonight, yoga before bed, or maybe even during gaming (it kinda, almost fits the character after all).

Enough griping. I’m off to attempt to drag Crandall from bed for about one thousand words. If I can keep him awake for 600, I’ll be happy for today.

Ciao,
Pia


I’ve Lost My Friends

monitorIt amuses me that when Twitter is down, I suddenly can’t concentrate on the fiction in front of me though the words were flowing when I had the company of the Twitterverse. After a prolonged server error, say five minutes, I start getting antsy, giving up on the refresh button and trying the infamous trick of closing and reopening the browser window. If that doesn’t reconnect me to the world, I almost always turn to my blog.

Online I am a social butterfly. Offline I am an introvert and would probably be a hermit if I didn’t need to leave the house for a paycheck.

Most of you probably will laugh at the introvert comment. I know I don’t appear so online. I chatter constantly on Twitter and through IM. I share more than most and I am not shy about it. Yet, if we took a dozen of my Twitter friends and dropped us in a room to chat face to face, I’d be the one sitting quietly in the corner, watching and listening. The Muse would be fluttering at my shoulder, whispering ideas and taking notes, none of which would pertain to the conversation at hand.

Sure, as such an event progressed, because there’d inevitably be alcohol involved (I’m picturing this in my living room with my collection worthy of the best bar in the basement) I’d open up. I’d flirt with the cute boys and I’d kiss the cute girls and I’d talk about why I write gay erotic fiction. Without a screen between us or a couple of good drinks I say very little.

This is true of real life friends many days too. Not long ago, Hubby’s cousin C. called and invited us out to dinner to catch up. I said very little as we waited for our table and only a touch more after we were settled in with dinner ordered. At some point C. asked me if I was okay and I said I was (I was) and that the music was too loud for me to hear everything so I couldn’t talk much if I couldn’t hear the conversation. Yes, that was true enough, but had it been quieter, I doubt I’d have more to say.

After a drink, I started participating (a little) as the boys talked about books. The music was still too loud, but I put forth the effort.

Recently, my boss thanked me for not participating in some melodrama between co-workers. My response was that both people involved were wrong and drove me nuts, but I chose not to talk to them when they’re like that because I can get away with it. The department knows I’d rather be writing or reading and they know I’m probably not listening to the random conversation unless I’ve pulled my chair out of my cube and am actively participating. Sometimes being the introvert helps. If I’d care to talk, I’d have put both of the bickering fools in their place and probably be called out for making matters worse. I’m glad I didn’t. If I want drama, I’ll read a book.

Anyway, I should be writing now, but I wanted to share my observations about my introverted nature disappearing online. Twitter is still not loading new tweets for me, but I need a shower and a run (not in that order) so maybe my social life will be restored by the time that’s been done. If not, I’ll have to force myself to sit still and write alone. It’ll be difficult, but I’m on a deadline with this one. I don’t have time to wait for the peanut gallery to be restored.

Ciao,
Pia


Recovering From Myself

Wow. It’s been a while.

I’d like to say it was intentional. You see, at the end of September, I made a valiant effort to catch up on all the reading in my Google Reader. It took quite a while, and I did “Mark as Read” a lot of stuff that I didn’t actually read. At that point, I did two things. First, I removed several blogs that I’ve done that to over the past couple of months, and second, I promised I’d stop writing in mine every day or every other day despite what The Muse said. The Muse needs to focus on stuff that can be published after all, so it wasn’t a promise not to write, just not to waste my time and the time of those that enjoy following my blog. You don’t, after all, need to be tormented with my weird poetry that strikes only when I’m sick. It’s usually sick itself, so I will spare you. And you don’t need to read my ramblings every day. I don’t honestly think I have that much quality stuff to write about that I should be writing in the blog every day.

I simply enjoy the blogging process. I like talking to myself and sharing it with those who know me (or want to know me). I like to write in almost any form. Almost. I always hated the research papers for school, but that was because I’m a fiction girl, and non-fiction is boring. (Go, figure I don’t consider blogging truly non-fiction. Maybe I’ll explore that at a later date.)

Despite that mini-ramble, that is not why it’s been a few days. I’ve been sick all weekend (yes I include Monday in the weekend so stop questioning me) and I finally started to feel better last night. I slept for 10-12 hours a night, plus there might have been some napping in there. Monday was better, but still a bit off. Today, I’m doing much better. Thank you.

Now I need to catch up again. Really, I should be writing, but I cannot neglect you, my dear Readers, for any longer. I posted a new CRANK last night, and prepared the next one for Thursday or Friday posting. I’m checking in here, and then I’ll make another attempt at Heaven’s Demons.

Ah, Heaven’s Demons. I don’t know why I keep picking at this story. I’m sure there’s a story there, but the words refuse to flow when I start to work on it. It started back in May or June when I saw a call for angel and/or demon stories for an upcoming anthology. I love writing about demons, but had yet to put an angel in one. Ideas started percolating. I scrawled out three different blurbs, kicked out the angel, then the demon, then began writing with both.

Because of the July exam I took, that story got pushed aside in favor of studying. (It was not the kind of exam you’d want to take again at any cost.) After the exam, once CRANK was up and running, I picked up the story again, named it Heaven’s Demons, and started fiddling with it. It didn’t go anywhere. I knew where it should start and I knew how it had to end, but the middle part wallow in the muck of shitty storytelling and I gave up.

Not one to be dictated by my Muse (you can stop laughing at any time), I recently printed out what I had so far, three different files with two different POV styles. I had stumbled over another antho call for demons and angels and I am stubborn as fuck when it comes to certain things. This story, apparently, fell on that list.

Hmm, I appear to be stalling. I want to see this story to its completion, even if it doesn’t go out for submission, but I’ve taken every excuse I can find to not work on it.

Must shut off Twitter… Must write…

Come here, Muse mine. We have work to do!

Ciao,
Pia

PS check this out today – A writer is using Twitter followers to inspire and guide his next novel. Over three days, starting today, he’ll be tweeting questions and using the answers in the chapters. Each chapter will be posted as it’s completed (one an hour). Read more about it (including the chapters completed so far on the right) here: http://3d1d.1889.ca/typhoon/en/d


The Mute Storyteller

I’m having a mini crisis. Knowing that I cycle through good and bad moods doesn’t make it any easier to avoid the depression when it hits.  I slept for twelve hours last night. Last week I handwrote a dozen pages for CRANK. I was excited about that because it was the first of any quality in a month.  Now I can’t even convince myself that the story is any good at all. It is. I know it is. Yet I ran through the rough outline in my head while I showered today and all I could come up with was “meh”.  (Yes, in the shower. The shower, the treadmill, the car – all good places to find The Muse when she’s otherwise stubborn.)

Writing makes me happy. I love giving life to the voices in my head. When something that makes me happy suddenly doesn’t – when writing fails me – I can’t come up with the words to describe the black vortex in my thoughts.  I thought about forcing it. I thought if I typed up some of the bits in my worn spiral-bound notebook, The Muse couldn’t help but join in and continue where those scenes left off.  Instead I stalled, staying in bed this morning with my face buried in pillows, wondering why I should even try to publish any of these fucked up stories of mine.

Part of the trouble is that I have no one close that understands The Muse. The Hubby is a very creative mind, but our Muses differ. His understands that he’s in charge and when he needs to write up an encounter The Muse does not wander off to think about pretty gay boys. Ok, so The Hubby’s Muse would never think about that like mine will, but I think you get the point.

I’m not really whining. I’m lonely for conversation with other writers. I’ve searched for local groups, but New Hampshire is a damn boring state. I have my darling Twitter followers, and that helps some. There are some great minds out there, and I love picking at them, even if it is only electronically. I’m really just in one of those moods, nearing the bottom of a cycle that I’m aware of, if not used to. I’ll pull through. I always do.

Here’s a little something to lighten the mood:

On our way out to this tiny little breakfast diner this morning, I checked the mail. I rarely bother to grab the mail on Saturday, and even less so if I don’t leave the house.  Waiting in the mailbox was Amanda Young’s HARD CANDY.  I was thrilled. I ripped it open and flipped through it while The Hubby drove.

After breakfast, as we climbed out of the car back at home, he said, “Don’t forget your coffee cup.”

I replied, “Or my new book.”

“Yes. I don’t want to have to explain that one.”

“I didn’t tell you what it was about.”

“It’s called HARD CANDY and it has a guy licking a sucker on the front…”

I almost put the book back in the car just to see what would happen. Instead, maybe I’ll use the scene to tease The Muse back to work. I’m all out of caramels, but maybe, just maybe, that will substitute.

Ciao,

Pia


Vampire, Dear Muse

Death of the VampireThe Hubby came home the other day to tell me about an article he saw (or maybe it was a report on the radio) about the popularity of vampires today. “Hurry up and finish that book,” he said.

Eh. The book is mostly done. It needs editing, of course, because I hate editing, but that’s not why I haven’t been working on it. I loved writing vampires before they became popular. Now that they are everywhere, I’m bored of them. I’m not bored of MY vampires, mind you, the insouciance is more general in nature.

I tried to read TWILIGHT and found the writing ‘style’ atrocious. I watched the first season of TRUE BLOOD when I found the DVDs on sale, but I don’t care that I can’t see the new episodes without HBO. Cruise ruined Lestat, but Townsend made up for him later. I’ve read vampire romance and vampire horror and vampire suspense. I haven’t found any that I’d proclaim “Must Reads”.

So if nothing is A-list why not finish my book? I can’t answer that. It’s not what The Muse wants. Not really. I’d like to see more vampire horror – more of the monster, and less of the gothic prince – but I’m just not into it. I’ve always been the Underdog and, I suppose, with the vampire genre going crazy, I’m less interested in throwing more fuel on the fire. Maybe once the fire dies down to the softly glowing embers they once were, I’ll try again. Maybe. The Muse may have other plans in mind. I’ll defer to her magic.

Ciao,
Pia


Do Not Disturb: Disbelief Suspension in Progress

Ahhh… Finally.

It took two and a half books, but I feel it now. The Muse is happy.

Yes, I write but I’m not talking about my private little world today. I’m talking about everyone else’s.

To be good writers we must read. Let me say it again. MUST read. It is NOT an option.

I had fallen out of the habit and it showed in my writing. I lost The Muse to mundane habits such as M/M erotica and cheap relationship-avoiding two-dimensional characters. My own stories bored me.

Luckily, I recognized it and took steps to correct it.

In this world of Electronic Everything, I read blogs when my office work is slow. I study for the CFP exam via the web whenever possible. I get my news on MSNBC.com so I won’t have to wait until after the nightly NCIS marathon to know if the end has begun. All these glowing screens can not replace a good novel. I’ve inadvertently tested it and it just can not be.

It’s enough to make a crazy muse instantly normal and boring. Borrrring!

So, despite my crazy schedule where I could add a full new day to my week and still not have enough time, I squeezed in time to read. I had to or my head would implode and I’d be forced to kill off another cherished character just to startle The Muse into work.

I read Dean Koontz’s “The Good Guy” and it was better than his last couple. One line, about the rain falling at night, inspired an idea for something so different I can’t even pretend to explain how I made the correlation. That’s my Muse, I’m not surprised. She’s contently working on that story while I babble here.

I read “Drawing Blood” by Poppy Z. Brite based on a random recommendation from a barely known online acquaintance. I’m glad I did. Some of her story left me wondering why she didn’t explain better but for the most part it was a good story with very real characters that left me thinking of them when forced to put the book down and work. I picked up three more and added them to the Leaning Tower of Books to Read. I need to find more authors that embrace darkness like she does.

Now, I’m reading “The Bone Garden” by Tess Gerritsen. I read her interview in Writers’ Digest and decided to pick up her book. So far, so good. She grabbed my attention immediately (and that’s hard to do) and she’s keeping it clenched in her fist with a death grip. I’m looking forward to reading a chapter or two once this posts.

That is… if The Muse doesn’t insist on working out why the protagonist and his new hook-up aren’t hooking up in my current project. I know why. I need to write a few scenes with the supporting character on his own to figure him out. Usually I enjoy that exercise, but he’s not speaking to me at the moment, so that might take time.

Besides, this blog post wasn’t simply to ramble incessantly… It was to remind myself that reading is not a leisurely hobby but part of my long-term goals. If I want to write books that readers will devour, I too must devour my share.

No exceptions.

No excuses.

Ciao,
Pia


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