It’s time for new resolutions, but I find I’m too damn tired to think of any. Still, the idea of monthly resolutions is a good one, and I don’t want to give up on the idea of self-improvement.
This month’s resolution is a hard one for me. I’m setting the fiction aside. I don’t know how long, but it’ll be at least until August, if I had to guess. A longer resolution, if you will. I don’t want to do it, but it makes sense – at least it does today, but maybe my mind is addled. It’s getting difficult to tell.
Anyway, I made this choice for several reasons. First, I don’t have the time nor energy to promote my fictional blogs, No Girls Allowed and Blood Eternal. The only person that reads them gets my Maximian any time she wants, so I don’t have to worry about disappointing anyone.
Second, I’ll be sitting for the CFP exam in July – hopefully July, if I have to wait until November, I might have to climb a bell tower with a long-range bazooka. I’m behind on studying already, and it’s only going to get worse the closer I draw to July. I want my stories to be my relaxation to my studying, but after this weekend, I realize I don’t have time to sit around doing nothing.
Lastly, working half-assed on my story ideas upsets me more than not writing at all. I have all these ideas, some written well into the story, and others just nuggets waiting to be developed. I want to write them and I want to share them. Then I read excerpts of upcoming releases and I realize I can write so much better than that. Yes, egotistical, but damn, some of the stuff coming out lately looks like it was written by a 14-year old and don’t even mention editing, because it couldn’t have been. They’re published and I’m not because I have no fucking time to concentrate on what I really want to be doing.
[deep breath – inhale, exhale]
Disclaimer: No, not all new releases suck. There are plenty of good books out there. But damn, some of the excerpts floating around the YahooGroups I’m reading are just plain awful. You’ve seen them. You know the ones I’m talking about. Maybe when I’m feeling less grouchy I’ll address those. More likely, I’ll forget that I offered.
Ah, and here I was trying NOT to rant. Such is my nature. Especially when tired and overworked.
I’ll cut off the rant here. I’m quitting for now. I’ll finish PRIME, though I’m almost 200 pages in and I’m still waiting for something to happen. Something. Anything. I’ll also pack a new book for the weekend. Probably BAD TO THE BONE or THE SURGEON – maybe both. I’ll keep my notebook with me, because I can’t help but to jot down ideas as they come, but I won’t try to write any of them. I’ll study. I’ll read. But my babies will have to wait. I won’t be writing them.
No, there’s just no point to try it at this time.