Resolving to be Me

It’s going to be one of those days. I wrote a full page and then deleted the whole thing because it didn’t come out the way it should. Fuck. With all that’s happened this week, I’m sure Mercury should be retrograde.

Resolutions. I was going to skip them this month because I need to study for my CFP exam July 17-18. I find myself increasingly distracted by recent events. Studying has ground to a halt, and what little practice questions I can muster, have scored lower than before. I can’t fail this exam so I must address the distractions.

The true resolution is not a month-long goal. Nor is it something I can concisely summarize in blog format. Trust me, I tried. I deleted enough words to make a novella had I been typing fiction. Ok, that might be a slight exaggeration, but you get the point.

The part that easier to measure is this: I will not let the opinion of one overrule the opinion of many and undermine my self-worth or confidence. Easier said than done, but improving oneself often is. Quite often this has occurred without me realizing that it has affected me so. I let it change my behavior. I actually asked two people this week if I’ve been bitchy, even though I knew I hadn’t been, even though I knew I was high on the excitement of doing well in my studies. It was dumb. I knew – KNEW – but I asked. I needed the validation. I got it, but I didn’t truly need it.

The second resolution: Minimizing, if not completely stopping the fic-Twits. These characters have changed a lot and I need to return them to their story before they no longer fit the plotline. I’m leaning towards minimizing their chatter to start the month and by the end of the month I’ll decide whether or not I should continue or quit. By the end of the month, I’ll have my writing time back, so I should know where they are needed most.

Finally, thank each and every one of you, Dear Readers. A writer without an audience is just talking to herself. Your company and your comments are, as always, highly appreciated.

Next up, some book reviews, or at a minimum something not full of frustration. I am partly, but not wholly, a growling wolf defending the pack. I am also the cuddly pup that nips playfully at your fingers for attention. I promise, I won’t break the skin. Often.




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