Faking it. An attempt to write.

While wallowing in a writing funk, I’ve hidden it well until today. CRANK had been pre-written for the last couple of weeks since I knew the holidays would make my life crazy. I barely edited today’s post and I know it’s not as good as it could be, but since I’m in a deep well of apathy when it comes to writing, I’m going to think that. It’s probably fine, with the exception of a typo or two. Those always sneak in during these funks, no matter how much I edit.

I’m in a reading funk too. I skimmed through some reviews of books in my genre, hoping for renewed inspiration. Nothing. Not a single one caught my attention. Four books in progress scattered throughout the house and I haven’t picked up any of them since we returned from Montreal, and even then, I read little.

So that is the beginning of my year so far. Feeling “bleh” because I want to write, I love to write, and I haven’t been writing because I don’t feel the inspiration. Sure, I know that if I want to, I could. If I tried hard enough, words would come – like now, for this blog. Writing for me, however, cannot be work. I do it when I’m enjoying it and when I’m not, I mope, but I never, ever force it.

Writing is special for me beyond telling a story. If I start forcing it to make word counts, or to overcome these random bouts of meh, then it becomes more like work, and less like fun. Yes, writing is work. Twice a week, I write 800 to 1,000 words for CRANK. Editing a passage takes as long as writing it if not more. It is, however, also a burning passion. I enjoy these boys, these fictional characters, as much as I enjoy cuddling with the cat, or biting into the perfect piece of chocolate-covered caramel.

I write about monthly resolutions, but in all fairness, these are things I am working on to improve my life regardless of the new year or new month. I don’t believe in the typical resolution process because of funks like this. Had I “resolved” to write on a regular schedule this year, I’d be beating myself up this week due to the moodiness that I know will pass if I’m patient.

So, yes, I will continue the monthly resolution posts, but understand that these posts are not so much the ultimate promise that so many people make and then break in celebration of the New Year, but are instead, guidelines to remind myself what I want to work on in my life, and to share with you, dear readers, that old dogs can, and do, learn new tricks, should they only wish to do so.

Writing Goal: Clean up FALLEN and resubmit. I had the good intentions to do this before the first of the year, and then life got hectic, holidays came and went, and time flew by. I won’t work on this part of the storytelling process without 100% focus. I need my head in the right space to do this story justice. It’s worth the delay to do it right.

Health Goal: With the craziness of holidays, I’ve fallen out of my running routine. It was shaky to start with, and I did try to run in Montreal just to keep it going, but things happen, and I got a head cold. It wasn’t pretty, my attempt at using a treadmill in a Montreal Marriott, but the mind is there, even though the body still struggles. My focus, for now, will be to stamp the routine back into place and, maybe, get my mile down to twelve minutes.

This will be an extra difficult challenge thanks to all the people who do suffer through the New Year’s Resolutions. January through mid-February is always a busy time at the local gym. By mid-February, there are a few who have been successful and still attending, but the rest, those that hogged the cardio machines to read their magazines, have left by the time my birthday rolls around. Still, despite this, I intend to renew my affair with running nowhere as soon as possible. Save a treadmill for me, you wannabes!



2 responses to “Faking it. An attempt to write.

  • Carrie Cleaver

    There are a lot of four-letter words to describe this funk. It sucks, sucks, sucks.

  • Grégoire

    my new year resolution is to spend more time reading pia veleno’s work. i am fairly sure that you were the first amateur author i found that i still read (carrie was the second, and after her there was some mormon chick). anyway, i’m looking forward to whatever you produce, typos and all.

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