Doubt

There will be no FridayFlash this week. As you might have heard, this week has been crazy busy at my paying job. Working within the stock market industry, I don’t directly deal with taxes but tax season is hellish. People don’t seem to remember from year to year to save their trading statements or to make their IRA contributions. Instead, they rush to do it all four and a half months later. The sad part is, if you make your IRA contributions early in the year, it’s growing tax-deferred ALL YEAR LONG. So you’re earning an extra year of that special growth.

Anyway, I know how much you all love that kind of talk so I’ll stop now.

I started a flash piece with a specific publication in mind. It started running long so I trashed it and restarted halfway through. Still too wordy! That is one of my writing weaknesses… that is, until I start to write a novel-length idea. Then, it ends up in a novella word count. Yeah, such is life. I’m not bitching, just noticing the trends.

The not-really-a-flash story has been set aside and I’ll look at it again this weekend when work isn’t distracting me. Since I’ve been focused on that, I don’t have anything for FridayFlash, but then I haven’t exactly been anything close to consistent there, so I’m guessing most people aren’t expecting anything anyway.

Enough pseudo-whining. Maybe.

CRANK has stayed on schedule for several months now. (There was that one day I posted the next morning because I had a space-cadet moment, but it’s still been twice weekly for a while.) I know where it needs to go and even most of how to get there but I’m having a crisis of faith in my Muse this week. I wrote four different passages before I posted last night’s entry. Even then, I wasn’t happy with the way it came out. If I’m bored writing it, then I can’t expect the readers to give a damn.

I reminded myself (it’s not yet sticking) that every story needs some transitional paragraphs/chapters. It can’t be vampire battles and steamy smut in every single entry. Well, it could, but I’d have to sacrifice plot continuity to do so. The thing that is bothering me however is that even though it’s a quiet time for the boys, even Crandall isn’t picking fights like he used to. It’s too quiet. It’s too mundane. I know what’s coming but the readers don’t. Will they stick it out as things are revealed at a slower pace than they’re accustomed? Do I need to have a vampire show up during the revelation of Hunter secrets just to keep people drawn in?

These are the thoughts that torment me this week. I’m confident in the story and the characters and yet doubt wraps around me like a comforting blanket on a cold night. In a way, doubt is healthy. It forces me to strive for more, to reach for better prose and more intricate plots and characters. On the other hand, doubt can freeze me and make me question even the good stuff. It can force me to question how much longer I want to post to a serialized project and tempts me to consider a month or two or three off.

I won’t. Not yet. I have a scheduled break for myself when this story arc reaches completion. I’ll be prepping for the second arc during that time and then we start again, with new ideas and new challenges. Until then, I must both embrace and fight off the strange doubts that both taunt and teach me. Until then (and beyond), your support, dear Readers, means the most to me. Thank you.

Ciao,
Pia

Just heard Peter Steele from Type O Negative has died. He will be missed.

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2 responses to “Doubt

  • christel42

    The only thing I angst over in CRANK is the slow-motition process. However, I’m a “I want it all, and I want it now” kind of person, so that’s probably just me. Believe me, every Monday & Thursday morning, I rush into work to read the latest chapter! Love! I’d be even more obsessed if I still had internet at home, but alas, Budget Cuts of 2010.

  • christel42

    MOTION – Damn. I need to read my comments BEFORE I post them. LOL

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